Teacher as Writer - Developing My Identity as Writer

As I worked through my writing history (and my inquiry questions), I started to question how one finds an identity as a writer and what that actually means.  Because of this questioning, I chose to make a Storify (as a product of Stephanie's demo), which was a collection of how people talk about the things that writers do.  I started thinking about what I believe writers are based on my reaction to what others said.  For example, many people wrote that they could not be writers because they can't spell or if they wanted to be writers, they need to learn better grammar.  I don't believe that writers need perfect spelling (that's what spell check helps with) or perfect grammar, as we discussed in Lil's activities about teaching grammar in context.  However, it wasn't until Jessie pushed us to write out our writer's mission statement that I started thinking about WHO I really am as a writer.  My thinking began in this blog and I did more thinking over the weekend.  But I really struggled with defining who I am as a writer.  This led me to my demo topic: Defining what a writer is.  If I can define writer, then maybe I can more clearly define who I am as a writer.  I walked away with a recognition (partly influenced by a number of people who, in the "question" section of the responses to the demo, asked me if I'd defined writer yet myself): I am much more comfortable defining what I believe about writing and engaging in the act of writing (as I wrote in my Twitter post) than I am defining who I am as a writer.

I think my aversion to thinking about my writerly identity is my insecurity about myself as a writer.  During orientation, I admitted in my day book that I am always shocked that I can move from an idea to a completed work that is actually smart/witty/well written/whatever; this starts to get at my insecurities as a writer, namely that I am not "good" enough as a writer to really do it and do it well.

 So, in an effort to think more about myself as a writer, I'll be reflecting on what I've learned about who the writer in me is.


My discoveries began with thinking about what to put in my writing timeline.

I had never considered my writing history before, nor had I attempted to figure out where my desire for writing came from.  As I thought about my history - and, due to Lacy's questions, my writing influences in particular - I realized the extent to which I connect reading and writing together.  This thought started because I started thinking about who I want to show my writing to first, my father.  I know I connect writing with my dad, but I don't remember discussing writing with him when I was younger.  What I do remember talking with him about was reading. Click on the video below to hear about my dad's influence and how his influence connects to my writing.

During group discussion, we began talking about this reading/writing connection and Rebecca brought up the importance of mentor texts.  The more I thought about this idea, the more I realized that I use and have used mentor texts all the time to mimic and test out ways of writing.  In fact, this concept is how I have been learning to write for as long as I can remember.  I both copy styles, techniques and structures and adapt what I read for my own purposes.  I describe this in this post, which was the product from Rebecca's demo.  I walked away with the following thought that afternoon:





I also started thinking through how personal writing can be.  My thoughts began when we read the poem, "Purification" and the horror I felt at throwing away bits of writing.  My reflection for the day theorized that I felt this horror because writing is connected with identity.  In this reflection, I make the assumption that this is true for all writers, though after a discussion about how poetry is often considered creative, while academic writing is not, I started wondering if the same was true about what is often considered personal.  As Carrie struggled through her own identity as a writer, I was able to see a different perspective on the connection between writing and identity and played through this idea in her comments.  Maybe, I suggested, for her, poetry was personal, while academic was not.  This lead me back to thinking about myself.  I analyzed and reflected on my own writing and my reactions to criticism (though I know it's helpful, I always feel momentarily offended that they didn't deem my writing as perfect) or to bad grades (anything less than an A... even A- get under my skin a bit) and how I feel when I'm performing the act of writing and when I'm showing others my writing.  I split my thinking into two categories: academic and creative.  See the video below to see how I talk about and what I enjoy about each.

As I thought more, I realized that writing - all writing - in deeply personal to me because I push beyond just having "writer" as part of my identity; it is how I define myself.  When a person asks me about myself, I usually say "I am a teacher and I am a writer."  Writing feels right to me, just like teaching feels right.  To use a phrase Carrie S. told me once, I don't really believe I am A writer; I believe I am Writer.  Given this, the fact that I am insecure about my writing makes sense because I am insecure about myself.  I often believe that I am not "enough".  However, I am working on accepting the writer I am and being proud of that.  So, here is what I claim about myself as Writer:

I am a   re-visioner

social writer; I need to talk it out

procrastinator

descriptive (image grammar) writer

My writing  is always personal 

                  echoes my personality and experiences

                  gets easier after I’ve gotten started

                  contains serious subject matters

                  is therapeutic